A Warm Welcome To The Hockey Parents

Our policies have changed since your last stay…

Emily Rose

--

This is not a joke.

Dear OurHockey Club members,

Welcome back to our hotel! This is the third time your club has booked out our entire establishment, and we have, shall we say, anticipated your stay. As of your previous stays with us, some of our policies regarding large groups and unaccompanied children have changed. We have issued each family a copy of this welcome letter outlining said changes. Please make sure to read it thoroughly, as “I was never told,” or, “I didn’t read it,” or, “My perfect babies would never,” will not absolve you of your sins this time.

Note: there are 60 families staying with us this weekend, and we don’t know you or your precious angels individually. Given your behavior on past stays with us, the infractions of one will be treated as the infraction of all. If you dislike this, then find the culprit and bring his head to the front desk to avoid punishment.

1. Unaccompanied minors will result in a $50 fine

During your previous stays, we received numerous complaints concerning roving gangs of unsupervised children disturbing other guests. These disturbances included repeated games of ding-dong-ditch, wrestling in the hallways, and abuse of our elevators.

In addition, there were several instances of children loitering in and around our snack bar to disguise the fact that they were stealing from us. They thought we wouldn’t notice, but we did. Many times.

We understand that you think part of the front desk staff’s responsibilities is to provide free childcare while you get drunk and party, since it’s not like we work that hard and how difficult can it be to check in a guest besides yourself every now and again? Unfortunately, this is not the case.

For the safety of all our guests and staff members, we will be adding a fee of $50 to all OurHockey reservations, for each child. You will see this fee listed as “unaccompanied minor fee” on your final bill.

(Ex: if four children are observed wandering the halls, stairwells, public spaces, etc., an “unaccompanied minor fee” of $200 will be applied to all 60 of your reservations.)

--

--